Mind, Body and Soul

I Wish…

Why me? What did I do wrong?
Why have you chose to ignore me so long.
I need your help, I need your love
Please be aware, I’m only above.
While you sit below, a family all together
I’m upstairs alone, feeling the pressure.
I wish I was better, I wish I wasn’t ugly
Then maybe somebody would actually love me.

They both have a new family, I’ve been forgotten.
Am I bad, am I rotten?
Trying to answer the questions in my head,
Would it be better if I was dead?
A young mind so full of pain,
I drag a blade across my vein.
I wish I was better, I wish I wasn’t ugly
Then maybe somebody would actually love me.

Alone in my room, the tears start to fall
I’m not ok, why don’t you call?
Your only girl sat by the door
Hours I wait, how many more?
You haven’t seen me for months, why don’t you miss me?
I desperately need someone, emotionally.
I wish I was better, I wish I wasn’t ugly
Then maybe somebody would actually love me.

The bullies can smell it, I’m vulnerable to my core
I don’t think I can take this anymore.
I’m dealing with this all, at home and at school.
How can people be so cruel?
My grandad is the only one who can see
And then he was so painfully taken from me.
Somebody notice me, take it away
Even a hug would be ok.
I wish I was better, I wish I wasn’t ugly
Then maybe somebody would actually love me.

Silently crying out for someone,
I think my heart is finally done.
Nobody to go to, makes me feel so small
Maybe these pills will end it all.
I wish I was better,I wish I wasn’t ugly
Then maybe somebody would actually love me

You chuck me out on the streets, who do I turn to?
My first time away, I don’t know what to do.
Six months go by still no phone call
Don’t you miss me? Not at all?
My dad actually cares, I finally fit in.
Why did this take so long to begin
A hug makes me go stiff, I don’t know what love is
Ive never felt anything like this.
My step mum is worried, gets me the help I need
Keeping it in so long makes me hard to read.
I’m not used to talking, never done this before
I think now is the time to explore.
Maybe I’m not in the wrong, it’s nothing I’ve done.
Maybe the one to answer should be my mum.
I’m getting better, I don’t think I’m ugly
Maybe somebody could actually love me

I’m an adult now, a family of my own.
I could never imagine leaving them alone.
The questions still haunt me, nothing has changed.
Why won’t you love me? What did I do wrong?
Why has this been going on so long?
I’m not bad, I’m not ugly
I’ve found someone who actually loves me.

I wanted to share my personal poem with you all, this is my first time attempting a poem so any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. I wanted to share my story with you but was finding it difficult to get the words out. I tried this method and the words just spilled out and really eased my anxiety.