Mind, Body and Soul

My Internal War

Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. Its the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends but hate socializing. It’s wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It’s feeling everything at once and then feeling paralyzingly numb.

I’ve been struggling to write a post for a very long time now, my mind isn’t in the right place. I’m struggling. I want to at least attempt to organise my thoughts and my constant battle with mental health. Especially now with so many people committing suicide, its extremely important people feel like they can talk about their problems. So if anything, getting my thoughts out there is my form of therapy

I’m struggling again but for different reasons this time. I haven’t spun down the vortex of sadness into the black pool of depression. I’ve just recently been diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, after suffering for two years. Which means for only 1-2 weeks of the month I feel myself while the rest of the month I’m suffering with depression and severe anxiety, along with many other symptoms. After many trips to the doctor and being told every time it’s depression. Thankfully having past experiences with depression and knowing this was not the case because it was only 2 weeks of the months that I was feeling depressed, I refused to have antidepressants and decided to do my own research.

At first I thought it was possible I could be bi polar but after writing a symptom diary and following my cycle I realised the symptoms all started around ovulation every month. I was shocked and saddened to find that the only way to manage this hormonal mood disorder was with antidepressants or a hysterectomy. I’m twenty six year old and we would definitely like another child so a hysterectomy was not going to work for me. I was terrified to think that the only way I could manage this is with antidepressants, there was no way I was going to spend my many fertile years taking antidepressants. So I started my research again, surely there were natural ways to maintain depression and anxiety? And then I found it. The relief was immense.

So now my new journey and understanding of mental health has begun. I have suffered with numerous mental health problems since the age of fifteen after suffering a neglectful childhood. I tried beta blockers, anti depressants and therapy which worked for the time but what about when it comes back? Do I start the cycle all over again?

Being older and wiser I now know pharmaceuticals are definetly not the way forward. A nutritious and healthy diet, regular exercise, yoga and meditation is so important for a healthy mind and along with CBD to manage the viscous panic attacks, I think I am well on my way to controlling my mind and body.

Taking control is so empowering that I’m actually excited to see how this new me is going to turn out. In the past I would have accepted what the doctors said and taken what ever they’d given me but not anymore I’m a strong woman and I will fight this! In my own way. I will take each day as it comes. Follow my journey as I continue to research and try different natural techniques and remedies

The mind and body are inextricably connected, with our thoughts and emotions exerting a powerful influence on our health.

Dr Bradley Nelson

P.s. can you tell I started writing this in the midst of my depressive days and ended this post in my ‘me’ days. I’m officially Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

Moaning Monday's

Moaning Monday’s

Monday’s are made for moaning…

Do you ever feel like you’re the star of Groundhog day? I definitely do. I work from home and care for my children, so my days can merge into one because of the routine I’m so used to. Dirty nappies, preparing food, cleaning and trying to find a quiet second to write before I’m cruelly dragged back to reality by a small voice shouting “Mummy”

And then the sequence starts again…

Until 6.30pm and its bedtime for our boys, I can let my hair down now, right? Party like it’s 1999?

Of course not! This is when I work, organising my small business and creating my products and orders while we watch Netflix or YouTube EVERY NIGHT.

Don’t get me wrong I’m so lucky to be able to watch my children grow and develop, it is the most precious of moments. I live for the weekends when Daddy’s home and we can take the kids on adventures and visit cool places, this is what keeps me going during the week. Which makes the dawning of Monday morning all that more dreary.

I’m not completely selfish, I feel for you hard workers out there the most. Heading back into the daily grind after a weekend at home. Entering the mundane work life after a couple of days spending quality time with your family. Even you wild folk that have spent the weekend partying and haven’t quite recovered yet, I feel for you too, though admittedly not as much.

Yes, I’m jealous!

Tonight I’m determined to liven it up a bit with a very rare evening out. Food, drinks and something fun, I’m hoping I can convince my partner to do a bit of laser tag or bowling. Wish me luck!

How do you guys switch up your daily routines? I would love to hear from you.